Loathing Love
by Betta329
Summary: After getting him into trouble, Lily escapes to the library to avoid any more fighting with James. As Lily begins to calm down, James confronts her and their rage explodes in unexpected venues.


Lily slammed her books down on the table. Her table. Her sanctuary. She was sure the Marauders didn't even know the library existed, and after the fight at breakfast she needed some time away from that… that… well, that slimy piece of skrewt scum. She wasn't sorry that McGonagall took away a hundred points, that every girl in Gryffindor was jealous of her, or that every guy hated her for getting their champion in trouble. James Potter needed to pay for his insolence. Strutting around the school like a peacock, stealing from Slughorn's stores, tricking Snape out into the dark forest, and getting Hagrid to lie for them. That was enough. Maybe she was a snitch, but she didn't care. Potter got what he deserved with the detentions and quidditch ban.

Then why did she feel so guilty and almost sad? Even after he called her a trollop.

She pulled up a chair and buried herself in a book, trying to calm down. The fighting between them was getting worse, and although she was glad to not be accosted around every corner, this newfound hatred almost made her miss the old James. She scoffed, how could she think for even a moment that she missed the old James? How could she have feelings for that arrogant, mangy git?

But she didn't have time to think about her feelings because a shadow loomed over her and a thud shook the books she had placed on the table. She looked up, scared and surprised for only a moment, and stared into the rage filled face of James Potter.

Lily had never seen him like this. His hair was even more unkempt than usual, his brow furrowed, his seemingly permanent smirk replaced with a snarl, the muscles in his arm were tense and his hands clung to the edge of the desk.

"Can I help you?" she asked, staring up at him.

"What is your problem, Evans?"

Lily rose and leaned across the table to face him. "My problem is your arrogant arse acting like you rule the school and terrorizing students."

"Terrorizing?" James laughed.

"I am so sick of you strutting around-" she went to grab a book when James grabbed her wrist.

"I don't strut," James moved in closer to her. "And you better watch out-"

Lily fumed and moved so her face was even to his, a hair's breath away. "Are you threatening me?"

"Tart," he growled.

"Wanker," she spat back.

Face to face, nose to nose, the heat from her breath fogged his glasses. She was fuming as they traded jibes, but with his stare no longer beating down on her, she could see the softness of his lips, even now. She couldn't help but long to feel the flesh against her.

What was she thinking? This was the bane of her existence. But all she could think about was those hands, gripping the edge of that desk so hard, grabbing her body, slamming her into the shelf full of books, tangled in her hair. She blinked and tried to make anger fill her features, but she wasn't sure that she got it right. Her free hand inched forward and brushed his. God he was so infuriating! He took his glasses off and glared at her.

Without thinking, without even realizing she was moving, Lily pressed her lips hard against his mouth. She felt him freeze before pushing her away. He breathed hard as he wiped his mouth. Her heart broke at the rejection.

"What the," he started to say, but before he could finish his sentence he was scrambling on top of the table, pulling her up to him. She slammed her knees hard on the edge as he dragged her to a kneeling position against him. Even like this, he was taller than her, physically overpowering. His hands struggled around the rim of her skirt, pushing his hand under her shirt and pressing her body against his. Her skin was on fire where his hand trailed up her. Her body screamed out in agony and desire as his lips ran down her neck.

"I hate you, Potter," she breathed.

"Don't think I'm enjoying this, Evans."

Her hands tore his shirt and her foot knocked his glasses off the table. Without realizing, they moved from the table and slammed into the stack of books, knocking a few over. She pushed him away, but still kept one arm wrapped firmly around his neck while he pinned her arms to the shelves.

"Someone's going to hear us," she hissed as she watched the books tumble, her heart racing at the thought of somebody catching them.

"Don't worry, I'll be quick."

"I'm sure I'm not the first girl to hear that," she smirked.

Her heart racing in excitement, she pulled his hair and bit into the flesh beneath his ear. James moaned as his hand pushed her up until her arse was resting on the edge of the shelf.

"Maybe, but I imagine you'll be screaming for more," he said.

"I doubt that," she lied as she tangled her fingers in her hair and stared at him coldly.

"Believe me, Princess, this is more punishment than pleasure," he responded, glaring at her, his hand running up behind her head.

She heard a zipper, then something hard pressed against her as his hand moved up her thigh. He froze and stood there for a moment. She wondered what he was thinking. If this was as unexpected and thrilling as it was for her, or if he really was just letting out some steam. She couldn't say this is what she imagined happening, well, ever, but she also couldn't say that just letting go and letting something happen like this wasn't unbelievably exciting. Gripping her arm tightly, she felt James' free hand run along her panties before tearing them.

Lily's heart raced as his fingers dipped into her softly, she moaned in surprise.

"You better not make a sound," James breathed through gritted teeth.

"Like you would be good enough to warrant that."

In one swift motion he pushed into her. Lily gasped as she felt tearing pain, but the pounding of her heart and the burning of her desire only made her want it more. Her hand clutched his chest. She slid on the shelf, giving him easier access and feeling him slip deeper in her.

She reached down and grabbed his balls, squeezing them slightly for a minute, just enough to make him squirm in pain without hurting him too badly. His teeth bit her neck softly, making her head roll back, a smile escaping her.

Groaning, James slammed into her over and over. It felt like a battering ram, almost making it hard for her to enjoy it, but the excitement, rage, passion, and longing for him made even the pain worth it. She hadn't realized how much she wanted this, and how much she loathed and loved him at the same time. She pulled his hair and ran a hand down his arse, digging her nails in as he slammed into her with even more ferocity.

"God Evans," he moaned as he reached up and pulled her hair, holding her head back. "Are you trying to make me explode?" She could see a half smile move across his face as he closed his eyes and stopped for a moment.

"This is punishment," she gasped.

He gritted his teeth and pushed her harder into the bookcase, the shelves digging into her flesh as he nipped, licked, and bit down her neck and across her chest.

Lily grabbed the shelf above her as her body tensed around him. She wasn't sure what was happening, she had never done anything like this before. Her entire body felt warm, her toes curled, her eyes squeezed shut, and every muscle felt like it was going to explode. Stars danced before her eyes as she forgot to breathe from the intensity of the pleasure washing over her entire body. She began to make a noise, but James stifled her by pressing his mouth hard over her, his tongue swirling and catching the sound before it could escape. She gripped his shoulders tightly as she felt him shudder underneath her. His mouth pulled away slightly and he gasped desperately for air. She opened her eyes to see his face strained and cloudy, covered with a mixture of joy and agony.

They stared at each other for a moment, perfectly still. Lily wanted to kiss him. Softly, more gentle than before, to show this was more than just uncontrolled hatred and a build up of emotion exploded and manifested through a passionate release. But another stack of books crashing to the ground sent James reeling. Quickly he pulled out of her and started trying to put his broken glasses and shambled clothing back to some sort of order. Lily, much more delicately and controlled, also began to reassemble her uniform into something more appropriate. She could feel his eyes following her, watching her motions and she hoped wondering if her arms would be bruised. She glared at him over her shoulder, and saw his almost forlorn puppy dog like stare.

"What does this mean?" he whispered, looking down at his feet.

For a moment, a brief expression of sadness and longing swept over Lily's face, but the stony exterior soon returned. She hadn't imagined her first time would be like that, so desperate and passionate, and just… happening.

She began with great power, "It means nothing. It means you stole my virtue because I was too distracted to say no. It means that I loathe you," but finished with a whimper, "It means you were right about me just needing to get laid. It means…" she closed her eyes and exhaled before looking at him, completely vulnerable and unshielded. She had shared with him what no one else had been able to get to, and what she had promised herself she wouldn't give to that arrogant jerk: her heart.

"See you in Potions," she said as she gathered her books. She stopped for a minute to see a shelf opposite where they were completely empty of books. Had they really been that rough? Shaking her head, she gave one last look up at James before reaching up to her ponytail and shaking her hair out free. She looked over her shoulder to see James staring after her, a hand running through his hair and a sigh escaping him before turning to leave.

A noise came from behind the now empty shelf as more books fell off. Luckily no one was around to hear it. Sitting behind the rack, peeking over the books, the invisibility cloak was strewn, revealing half of the body of one Sirius Black, staring at the now empty space and pulling his own pants up.

He laughed and leaned against the shelf. "Things are never going to be the same now that Evans isn't such a prude and Prongs finally has hope. Ah well." Looking down, he saw his wet hand not covered by the cloak.

"Bollocks," he said before wrapping the cloak around him and standing to leave. Thinking about how to clean the invisibility cloak and not watching where he was going, he nearly ran into Madam Pince who was in a tizzy over the mess.

"Damn kids," she mumbled as she started reshelving the books. Sirius stifled a laugh. If only these shelves could talk.


End file.
